A Handful of Let Downs, Anyone?

If I could be a color, it might just be blue.

This last couple of weeks have been a series of letdowns. Bummers. Things that haven't made me very happy. Made me quite sad, actually. To the point of tears. Aches. Disappointment.

 
For the past year, we've been talking about our next international missions trip-to the land of my heart-Peru. It's been 4 years since I've been there. It's been talked about, and we've been hoping and planning and dreaming about this trip. I told my kids we were coming. And now we aren't going. I know the great people in charge are being responsible and did so much research and know what they're doing. But that doesn't help the ache. It doesn't help the letdown. It doesn't help me get back to my kids. And friends. And the passion that's burning in my heart to go back. Instead of Peru they are planning a trip to Dominican Republic. Cool. Great. Fun! Get to work and serve God! I love it! I'm glad they aren't just giving up and not doing anything.

But it's not Peru.

So I was thinking, Hey! Let's drive with Erin to California when she moves! How amazing would THAT be to drive across country this summer! A dream coming true. A great way to end our time together. A kinda longtime farewell to a great friend and an amazing 3 year time together as best friends.

Nope. No trip. We talked about it as if it's a possibility. Like it would work. And I think that's what has me most bummed. If you aren't sure it's possible, then don't act as if it's going to be a for sure thing. Don't get my hopes up and then shoot them down. Talk about it as if it might work, and then confirm. Not the other way around. So yep. Not doing THAT this summer.

Today I put in a request for a day off when Amy comes on her Spring Break. WOOHOOOOO. I can't wait until she gets here. It'll be some much needed sister time. But when I was in the office, the secretaries were giving me a hard time about other people taking off that day and they didn't know if they could get a sub. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! Hire more subs!!! I have personal days, so I'm going to use them. Don't make ME feel bad about asking for time off. DON'T put that guilt on me!

Ugh.

Anything else want to be a bummer for me? I wonder what else will disappoint me. What else WON'T happen? What else will rob me of joy?

One liners from the Classroom

3rd Grade boy: "Ms. Craig, today's Ash Wednesday."
"What are you giving up?"
"My brother."

1st Grade fashionista: "Ms. Señorita Peffer, I love the ribbon in your hair. You always wear matching stuff. Everytime before I come to Spanish class, I stop and think, 'I wonder what Ms.Señorita Peffer is wearing today!"
"You do not!"
"Yes, I do!"
"You're unbelievable."

8th Grade class: "Ms. Peffer, why were you mad at us the other day?"
Me: "Oh, you remember that huh? That was before the snowstorm. That was a long time ago."
"Yah, but you wouldn't let the sub give us candy. She had candy for us!"
(everyone always remembers when they're denied candy, but NO one remembers the homework assignment)

Kindergartner: "Woah Ms. Peffer. Your sweater looks SOFT!!! (proceeds to feel my sweater...across my chest)
"WOAH!" and grab his hand and guide him into the classroom.

Kindergartner, greeting me as he's walking into the middle school for computer: "Hi Sweetie!!"

8th Grade
Me: "You're suppose to be working. The answers are in your book. Why isn't your book open?"
Boy: "I have x-ray vision."
Me: "Ummmmmmmmm..........I hope not......(as I almost felt the need to cover myself)
Boy: "Uhh...uhh.... NO! Ms. Peffer! For my book, only for my book..."
Me: "Man, you're turning red!"
Boy: "tsk...I can't turn red, I'm black!"
His best friend: "yah...you're red man...."
Girl: "Who knows what ELSE he'd do with it..."

Me: "man, she's been absent for a long time. I wonder if she's boycotting school."
Boy: "I'd get in so much trouble for tryi.....
Me: "  NO! She's not really...
Girl: "Oh my word. She's probably sick. Come on Mickey!"

And the best of today....
   I've sent the 8th grade back to the middle school while I grabbed my computer and jacket. RIGHT as I step outside, I see the 8th grader who always gets caught pick up a clump of snow.

I yell across the parking lot, "1 DEMERIT!!!"
And to myself, " Yesssss! Thank you Lord!"

Interesting Proposition

So today I was approached by a mom/friend/volleyball assistant with a proposition. 


An offer.


She started off by saying, I don't even know why I'm telling you this, or why I'm even bringing this up, but it's been on my heart and I need to say this. I won't bring it up again unless you bring it up, so here it goes.


"I have a finished basement that I'm not really using. I know you need a place to stay in June for the next year. It would benefit me immensely. I wouldn't charge you rent, but what I would ask is that you take my son (9) and daughter (13) to school everyday (my school). That way I could earn overtime for time off. I could collect at least 4 weeks of leave time if you did that all year. And that's the world to me."


---did you catch that? 


          I WOULDN'T CHARGE YOU RENT.


Is this a dream come true?? Is this God's way of providing for me to be able to pay my loans off quicker so I can get to the mission field? I would be saving $533 a month. That's over $6,000 I could save and put it on my loans. WHAT?!??!! 


It means that I would have to condense and sell things or put things in storage (or in my parents house.... :-) because right now, my stuff can furnish a HOUSE. There's a ton of stuff I have that I don't need anyhow.  It means living further away from school, but not any further than before.  I'd be living with a single divorced mother and her two great kids who I've known and taught for the past 2 years. Her daughter is me when I was her age. I've had the desire to mentor her since I met her. This could be such a positive in her life. And in mine. 


And I'd have a place to go without needing to look. Do you understand that peace that I'd love to have? I'd be able to move stuff gradually if I wanted to. I could travel across the country with Erin as she moves to California before the end of June. How amazing would THAT be? Such a crazy thing! Something I've always wanted to do!!!! We'd cover 13 states-7 states that I've never been to! WOAHH!


We'd have to set boundaries and all that. Obviously. I'd have to figure out how I'd fit with a family of 3. A single divorced mother and her two great kids. Not a 26 yr old's dream life, or normal life, but there's not really that's normal about me and my life. 


Ahhhhh!!!! Erin pointed out that God has provided us BOTH with a free living possibility. We thought we were left devastated and now we have this.

Stay tuned....

The right thing at the wrong time...is still wrong.

I had it all planned. 


I was going to leave this school, move with Erin to Indianapolis, get an amazing job, be 2 hours from Rach, find myself a cowboy and life would be grand.


And then, I asked God what He thought I should do. His plan was different than my plan. Go figure. 


Let's back up a little. Erin and her parents spent Christmas break looking for houses that her parents could buy, we'd pay rent, and move to Indiana.  Cost of living is less, guys in Indiana want to get married, and we'd be out of the fast paced city life we have now. They found great houses and put offers in. All the offers fell through. 


I was telling people about my move and the first question would be, 
"oh so you have a job there?"  
"well, no...."
"So you're going without having a job?"
"Well, in the teaching world, the window is really small, and the jobs aren't available right now."
"ohh....hmmmm"
I didn't care what they were saying. I was still going to move. I didn't forget what they said, I just kept on going.


And then every day on the middle school news channel, they were reporting about the unemployment rate and how the lines are so long and high schoolers can't get high school jobs because middle class workers were taking the jobs at McDonald's. 


Then we got our intent forms in our boxes. Ughhh. The dreaded intent forms. I was still undecided. Erin's sure she's to go. I was going along with her. I mean, there are things that I could SURELY do without, but there were things that were tugging at my heart. Things that I didn't know if I could let go. 


Jo Anne (elementary admin) pulled me into her room to talk to me about my intent form. She told me she hadn't feltl the need to talk to anyone in the last 3 yrs about their intent but she wanted to talk to me.  She really didn't want me to leave.  I have felt, before then, that if I was to leave that I would be easily replaced, that I was invaluable. She took the time to tell me my strengths and about the ministry and impact she saw that I have and have had with the students. She didn't think my ministry was done here yet. I told her all the things that I dreaded leaving-
(1) the 7th graders whom I LOVE and would have them in History (who were my 5th graders the first year here)
(2) the volleyball team which I treasure. We have to defend our championship!
(3) the chance that I have to teach Spanish. I'd never really get that anywhere else. I'm not bilingual. I just LOVE the language and I love to pass the love onto the children. And they are loving it. And learning it.  I even have one kid telling his mom, "I love Mondays. I get to see Senorita Peffer 2 times on Monday."
(4) Being involved with the Middle Schoolers and working with the staff there. 


I'm crying and she's says to me, "Abby, you can stay. You realize that? You can stay."


A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can stay. I could stay.


Then I went into Eric's empty office and bawled my eyes out. And then, only then, did I decide to ask God what He wanted me to do. I was afraid to ask Him because I knew His answer and I didn't want His answer. I don't want to leave Erin.  I don't want to have a best friend leave and I have to stay. 


I turned my intent form in----with a check on yes, I'm staying.


I then had to tell Erin. OH.MY.WORD.   That was NOT fun. God gave me the words, let her show me the grace I needed and after a couple of awkward days we talked it out and life is good.

Snow Days, PLURAL!

So I've just made history. Okay, well I didn't make history, but I lived through history! Virginia hasn't had this much snow in over 100 years. Getting snow like this is unheard of. I haven't been to school since Thursday of last week. LAST week. We've had 5 snow days in a row and Friday looks iffy. We are to have our Black History Celebration on Friday, so it really just depends if Mr. Jones wants to deal with the wrath of the parent who has planned this whole celebration.  


It's been a continual aloud declaration of "we don't have school tomorrow!" to help us realize how crazy this whole thing is. Now I'm not surprised with the phone chain call to tell us about tomorrow's cancellation. My body TOTALLY knows how much snow is outside. I've been shoveling all week.  Erin even went out on her roof and cleaned it off so it wouldn't collapse. Nice of the landlady to tell us to check...but didn't give us a method of fixing it.


The snow is absolutely breathtaking. the view is amazing. The layers of snow are unbelievable. The crystals are sparkling under the light of the moon.


I've enjoyed movies, cleaned my room, read an entire book, painted my toenails (blue and orange to boot!), went to the mall in between the dumpings of snow because cabin fever is REALLY grabbing us, gotten a lot of sleep and have played a little Wii. I'm actually disappointed in our Wii playing. Granted, I don't have a teenage boy living here, so it's understandable, but I really need to get my money's worth with my new toy! 


Now we have school scheduled for Presidents Day which is totally fine with me. It'll make planning a lot easier.


Friday night Erin and I are going over to friends house to celebrate the Opening Ceremony of the Winter Olympics. I love watching iceskating! Kristi Yamaguichi is my hero! Yah, I know, she's not skating anymore, but I still adore her and loved watching her when I was little. Now all the girls who are skating seem sooooo little! Let's see what happens in Canada! Go Team USA!

SNOW DAY!

This snow storm has been named Epic. The maps show it as a paralyzing storm. We are predicted to get the minimum of 16 inches and probably closer to 24. All the schools were cancelling yesterday and there wasn't a snowflake in the air! We were bugging Harold about cancelling school and he was being so goofy about it. We've already had a day with no morning extended care (YAY!) and a 2 hr delay on Wed. It's been a nice week! Harold finally cancelled and we knew by 630pm Thursday. It's so nice that we knew before 5am. The snow has been falling since 10 am and starting sticking around 4pm. Erin and I decided we needed to go outside and get shoveling. Last blizzard, right before Christmas, we didn't shovel until it stopped and we TOTALLY regretted it. So, we headed out to attack the snow. I got an AMAZING snow shovel from dad for Christmas and it's the best gift I got. 2 hours and a snowman later, it still looked like we hadn't done a thing. We could have just stayed out there all night without stopping and the driveway would never be clear. It's unbelievable! It's coming down at like 2 to 3 inches an hour. The snow plows have not stopped clearing the roads. 


Our cars have mo-hawks. Our snowman is super cute.  AND he's wearing huge sunglasses. I don't have pictures, but I will soon. The snow turned into a sleety type and it was hurting so we came in. We are thawing out and enjoying the ambiance of candles and overstuffed blankets. 


I think we are heading back out to shovel. AGAIN. We looked out and it looks like we didn't do A THING! Where's the boyfriend when we need him??


I'm pretty sure that we've had more snow than PA. :-)